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Oncle Dom’s column: Paris, keep moving, there’s nothing to see!

The Chronicle of Dominique Gobert


Ok, I’m not going to make a lot of friends in the “pseudo” ecology world. Especially in Paris, where ecology rhymes with funny…and especially attracts power. In any case, our great Mayor, Madam Hidalgo, is not being subtle…



Anne Hidalgo, Mayor of Paris, just launched an offensive against tourism buses…It doesn’t seem to matter that they bring great benefits to tourism in Paris. Meaning the great national cause is taking one more for the road. © samott - Fotolia.com
Anne Hidalgo, Mayor of Paris, just launched an offensive against tourism buses…It doesn’t seem to matter that they bring great benefits to tourism in Paris. Meaning the great national cause is taking one more for the road. © samott - Fotolia.com
And here we go!

In an explosion of announcements, Anne Hidalgo, Mayor of Paris, has just launched an offensive against tourism coaches…and simultaneously, all vehicles with diesel motors, in our great capital of Paris.

No need to say that for tourism in Paris, they bring on great benefits.

It looks like the great national cause is taking one more for the road.

If everything goes as planned, by July 2015, all of the tourism buses, that are older (the buses, not the tourists…apparently…) will now be forbidden to travel in the capital.

And by 2016, all “polluting” vehicles will be definitely forbidden from the capital.

Because, we’re going to put in place, in Paris, “low emission” zones! However, buses will be allowed to circulate on the périphérique (Paris’ ring road- Translator’s note)…and the forests around Paris.

And bam! We’re fixing the problem just like this, keep moving (if I may say, there’s nothing to see here!)

Oncle Dom’s column: Paris, keep moving, there’s nothing to see!
This measure isn’t put in place for no reason…but for some vague reasons with strong electoral echoes.

Of course, pollution, particularly in big cities, is a true problem. And, of course, we have to try to “limit” the messes, that’s for sure.

But once again, let’s not do this however we want…let’s keep in mind some things that are obvious.

For example, let’s talk about the “low emission zones”. It will lead to some Parisian neighborhoods to become ghettoized zones of “quasi no pollution.” Very well.

Probably because gas emission or particles are static right? We’ll be able to drive on the périphérique…without the gas spreading to the city?

Basically, it’s like Tchernobyl that should have stopped exactly at our borders. And only ours apparently!

Let’s stop talking such nonsense!

As for small bus companies, those that work with our DMCs, will they have the means to buy the newest buses?

Buses, that in any way, almost always run on diesel.

I’m already imagining the social messes, without talking about the deliveries and supplies (also done with trucks that run on diesel.)

We’ll go shopping in the outskirts? Plus, the suburbs that touch Paris, what will they make of these measures? Finally, we’ll park the buses towards Clichy and Montrouge? We’ll need to have the zone evacuated quickly…

And driving in Paris, that has been planned so well that buses don’t even have parking lots and are forced to turn tirelessly, like whirling dervishes, all day long.

And finally, our group of Chinese tourists, excited to buy some souvenirs at the La Fayette galeries, they’ll have to carry their presents in the metro? How fun!

Well, if the buses have to stop towards the Bois de Boulogne, we’ll be able to show, quickly, another form of tourism, the “Hot, hot, gay Paris!”

Unless, to fill the capital’s accounts, we put in place, just like in air transport, a sort of tax for polluting…

Just imagining that makes me laugh!

Written by Dominique Gobert translated by Joséphine Foucher the 01/02/2015
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